[Music] Hi Samantha, thank you for agreeing to talk with me today about “Time to Remember.”
Hi Emma, thanks so much for having me.
Alright, let’s start at the very beginning. How do you usually introduce the “Time to Remember” concept to families?
When starting to plan an end-of-life tribute for someone, I like to begin the dialogue with the family by asking them what they want everyone to remember about their loved one. I find that by asking this question, we begin to shape the occasion that is to come. For example, a “Time to Remember” experience will be inspired by some of the stories that the families share during that conversation. During these discussions in the arrangement conference, our goal as funeral service professionals is to create an occasion that is extraordinary and truly reflects how special that person was to all the people who come together to celebrate and remember their life.
We like to refer to “Time to Remember” as a new twist on an old rite of passage and tradition. I personally refer to it as a new age, hybrid standalone event. I tell people that it’s not something rooted in tradition or ritual, but something founded on creativity, flexibility, and endless possibilities. It’s absolutely critical that we engage our families in conversation and, above all, actively listen. Through listening, we can determine great options for families that suit their needs and create incredible memories that will last a lifetime—something families will feel proud of when they reflect on it later as they begin to heal.
Speaking of that planning process, which is so collaborative, does a “Time to Remember” have to be pre-planned, or can the family come together and organize one for a loved one who has passed?
No, a “Time to Remember” does not have to be pre-planned. However, pre-planning gives people the opportunity to be remembered the way they would like, while allowing family members to focus more on the grieving process. End-of-life planning can take many forms, and we work with families to create unique experiences that are incredibly personal and meaningful. If the person who has passed did not pre-plan, the family can still create a special event that is just right for that person. In fact, we offer unlimited options for customizing an experience. For example, we have locations with liquor licenses that are fully equipped with glassware to accommodate any toast to a life well-lived. Whether it’s Caesar’s, margaritas, coffee, Bailey’s, champagne, I’ve been a part of all of that, and families have planned that for their loved one, even if their loved one wasn’t able to be part of the process. It’s great to have all these offerings for families, not to mention the types of facilities we can hold events in. For example, when I was working in the West in Calgary, we had a beautiful terrace with a spectacular view of the mountains in the distance, overlooking a golf course. Many Calgarians identified with that, and it was easy to customize an event that was right for families from that community.
That sounds beautiful. So, let’s dive deeper into the structure. Can you tell me a little more about what a “Time to Remember” really looks like when you’re attending one?
The event is definitely customizable, and like anything else these days, people are faced with abundant choices. To create a personalized experience, we need input from the family, so collaboration is the best approach. “Time to Remember” is similar to any end-of-life tribute in that it starts with a conversation. It starts with us getting to know who that person was. I feel confident speaking for all funeral directors when I say that we are genuinely interested in getting to know the family and what made their loved one unique. What were their passions, hobbies, interests, spiritual affiliations, personal relationships? What were the defining characteristics that made that person who they were?
We have different themes, like one for someone who was passionate about being in the kitchen, a baker or a chef. A neat memento I’ve seen many times in this case is a recipe card given out at the end of a service. In some cases, we’ve been able to take the person’s original recipe, with their handwriting, and print it on keepsakes for people to take home. It’s so personalized and special, whether it’s grandma’s favorite cookies or someone’s cornbread recipe. People identify with that because they’ve tasted those cookies or that cornbread before. It’s encouraging for families to be told what their options are and to think about what made that person special, so we can share that with everyone who comes to celebrate their life.
For people with a green thumb, on many occasions, we’ve sent people home with little seedlings that can be planted, so the person’s legacy grows on. There are so many options, but again, it starts with that conversation and finding out who that person was and what made them who they were.
Absolutely, I really love that idea of new life represented by those seedlings. There are so many other interactive opportunities and ideas like that to bring a loved one’s memory to life and highlight what they valued. What are some common questions a family might ask you as they look at a “Time to Remember”?
Common questions include how we’re going to make it happen and how everything will unfold. The celebration can take on the personality of just that—a celebration. Funeral service continues to evolve, and as we reflect on the changing attitudes of our client families and their needs, it becomes more apparent that creating options is our responsibility. A “Time to Remember” will guide our families toward meaningful reflection they may not have thought possible from a funeral home. Our greatest strength as funeral professionals is our ability to listen to these questions, hear the stories, and turn them into unforgettable experiences. Families often ask, “Is that actually possible? Can we do that?” I find myself saying time and time again, “Anything is possible; there are no limits here.” We encourage families to think creatively about who their loved one was and what type of memorial will best reflect that. We use our passion for funeral service to fuel our ability to create memorable experiences, whether it’s a “Time to Remember,” a celebration of life, or a traditional funeral service.
I often remind people that there is no one way to plan or host a “Time to Remember.” It’s a time to gather, share, and, of course, remember. We talked about some of those signature components, like mementos, food, and the send-off. There could be specialty beverages served, and the event would take on a highly personalized theme. There’s usually something special, whether it’s a memento or stationery, that people can take with them to honor and remember the person who has passed. The unique thing about a “Time to Remember” is that it’s all-encompassing and whatever the family wants it to be.
You mentioned an interesting point about inviting the family to be creative. For me, that sounds like where a “Time to Remember” goes beyond being a memorial event and becomes a first opportunity for healing. Speaking of the opportunity for healing, what are some concerns or fears that are relieved for families when they’re introduced to “Time to Remember” as an option?
Getting back to it being all-encompassing, families don’t have to forfeit tradition. We can still incorporate long-established customs that create comfort for families. We can still have speakers, a eulogist, musical tributes, a blessing or grace before eating, a poem reading, or candle lighting. It’s really up to the family. Couple those with highly personalized and new-fashioned options, like a toast in honor of a life well-lived, unique culinary experiences, barbecues, picnics, or activities like a bingo game, meditation, a video montage, or memorabilia. If the person was a hockey fan, we might display their favorite jerseys. It can include all, some, or none of these things. The possibilities are just that—possibilities. We reinforce that the possibilities are limitless, and we are there as event planning specialists to help families make sense of them.
It sounds incredibly customizable. What feedback do people commonly give you about their experience with “Time to Remember”?
The feedback I most commonly receive is that people are forever impressed by the level of personalization that can be achieved. I often hear that the event was a true reflection of how special and unique the person was. In my experience, it also gets people thinking about how they want to be remembered. It reminds people that these types of conversations are important to have with their own loved ones. The sharing of food has always been part of the human story, and people often comment on the unique culinary experiences. Having a meal together brings people together, whether it’s a family saying grace, someone celebrating wedding vows, or celebrating someone’s life. Food allows us to share in someone’s culture, heritage, tradition, and memories, while also nourishing our minds and bodies. It’s a big part of “Time to Remember” and many types of celebrations and rites of passage. The key thing to keep in mind when it comes to food or cuisine for “Time to Remember” is that there are no rules. What you choose depends on the family’s personal preferences and, of course, their budget.
Wonderful. That really makes me imagine when you described working on the West Coast with a beautiful outdoor space, a family might choose to have a barbecue on that patio or a full sit-down meal at another location. It seems much more flexible than the light snacks, sandwiches, and coffee that come to mind with a traditional funeral. This is much more comprehensive, and the food itself can be an interactive piece. It makes me imagine a cupcake station for that baker, where her grandchildren might decorate cupcakes and remember preparing baked goods with their grandma. It brings a comprehensive approach to the send-off when food is such an integral part, reflecting our real lives. Food is a huge part of everyone’s life, no matter their culture, and “Time to Remember” highlights that.
Oh, for sure. We’ve had ice cream bars because it was the person’s favorite snack, and we’ve hosted wine tastings because the person was a wine connoisseur. Again, those unique send-offs reflect who that person was. I always say, at my memorial, they will be drinking champagne with vegan popcorn, and Bob Seger will be playing in the background. It’s completely customizable to who that person was and what they enjoyed in life.
It sounds so special to bring to life an aspect of their loved one’s life and have an opportunity for healing and joining together to celebrate what that person loved during their lifetime. To wrap up these broad and interesting possibilities, let’s bring it back to you as the person who helps a family organize a “Time to Remember.” Can you tell me why “Time to Remember” services move you as a funeral director and event planner?
A “Time to Remember” inspires me more than anything. Experiencing the loss of a loved one can be exceptionally difficult, and we are there to help families through that difficult time. We are the experts, providing advice and support. There is a constant that guides our work: the belief that every life is unique, and every memorial should be too. That belief shapes how we work with families, finding meaningful ways to remember and celebrate a person’s life. We listen, empathize, and provide whatever support is needed—emotional, practical, or mental. It’s not as somber as one might think; there are lots of laughs, shared memories, and smiles as people recall memories. Our profession is rooted in compassion and empathy, and we form strong bonds with our client families. This gives us the ability to anticipate their needs and support them as they create meaningful remembrances and memorials for their loved ones—memories that will last a lifetime. It’s truly an honor to be part of these experiences and help make them happen for families during one of the most difficult times in their lives.
Something I often reflect on is that a funeral can be a single day in someone’s life, but it is someone’s entire life in a single day. That is very profound, and to think that I get to be part of that is special. An end-of-life tribute like “Time to Remember” is a rite of passage, much like a birthday, anniversary, or the birth of a child. It’s a special time for a family, one that holds great value personally and socially for the community, friends, and relatives. It’s important that people are given the opportunity to begin their journey through grief and healing, and it all starts by remembering. I get to help people remember, and that is so very special and moving, as I’m sure you can appreciate.
Yes, that’s exactly the word that came to mind for me as well. Your passion and compassion for the work you do are incredibly moving. I really appreciate you sharing that with us today and helping us understand all the possibilities that “Time to Remember” offers. Thank you so much for your time, Samantha.
Thanks, Emma. Thanks for having me.
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